This reader has a bedroom issue,and she needs your help.She writes...
"My husband and I have been together for five years now.I was a virgin when he and I met,and he had had multiple sexual partners.Out of the blue about a year ago he tells me he really wants me to full-out dominate him in bed and that our sex is just too vanilla for him.I've given it several tries to see if I enjoyed it as much as he does,but I just can't get into it.Sure,it's fun every once in a while,but it makes me very uncomfortable.我真的很喜欢他所说的“香草性爱”，我喜欢浪漫和激情的性爱。I'm feeling like I might not be able to give him what he needs sexually and keep myself happy too.I just don't know what to do."
This is certainly a dilemma,but let's start with acknowledging the good stuff here.You've obviously have a good relationship—it's great that your husband felt comfortable enough to talk about this kind of stuff with you,and it's great that you were willing to try new things to make him happy.
Of course,there's absolutely nothing wrong with you enjoying what your husband calls "vanilla" sex.但他想尝试其他风格没有错。You should both be able to enjoy your sex life and feel comfortable.
I'd be curious to know if your husband is just looking to spice things up after many years together (not that he's bored withyou;just that most long-term couples go through periods of feeling like they're in a sexual rut),or if he's more serious about a BDSM lifestyle.If he's just looking to experiment a little,I think it's great that you've already given it a few tries.But since you're not enjoying the dominatrix thing,maybe you both could keep exploring other ideas that might be turn-ons.You can make it fun,rather than a chore: Watch adult movies together,or skip this month's book club and read an erotica novel instead.You shouldn't have to do anything that makes you truly uncomfortable (and if at any point something does,you should tell your husband immediately and he should stop),but stepping outside of your comfort zone just a little can be fun.Of course,while you're trying to help meet your husband's needs,he should be returning the favor for you too.It wouldn't kill him to really turn up the romance factor once in a while,would it?No,it would not,and if he's not trying as hard to satisfy you as you are for him,that's a problem.Spicing up your sex life should definitely go both ways.
On the other hand,如果你丈夫的要求不仅仅是一个小小的试验，and he's really looking for a serious change,it's not so easily solved by trying a few new things.The key is still going to honest communication with each other,and it might be worth getting some help with that.You could see a marriage counselor with experience in sex therapy to help you figure out how to solve your diverging sexual interests while maintaining your marriage.I really hope you can figure out a way to make you both happy.
Have you ever had an issue in your sex life like our reader?What do you think she should do?Is her husband's request unreasonable?
If you're looking to try new things,try our former sex blogger's tips: