It's been 12 years sinceLaguna Beachrocked our worlds.The frothy,beachside "reality" soap tracked the champagne problems of several privileged teens in Southern California,including Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari,who became household names after the show wrapped.Laguna Beach's target demographic was 17-year-old girls looking to live vicariously through Conrad's blond highlights,but that didn't stop younger kids—like me—from tuning in each week.Confession time: I was 12 when I watched my first episode ofLaguna Beach.
Which was a horrible idea!Laguna Beachwas all kinds of inappropriate for 12 year olds;it's stuffed with curse words,sex references,andSo.Much.Underage.Drinking.TheLaguna Beachcast members were drunk in basically every scene;however,12-year-old me thought those red plastic cups were just filled with soda.
But that's not the only thing I missed: My pre-teen mind didn't register a slew of icky comments made onLaguna Beach—but they're clear as day at 23 years old.Specifically,these 13 moments threw me for a loop.
1.The time Jason makes this vulgar comment about Alex M.(You probably missed it because MTV bleeped out the "F" word.Jason is the worst.)
2.When teenage Lauren Conrad (seemingly) says,"I just wanna get shit faced right now."
3.When Jessica pre-games in the back of Kristin's car with Diet Coke and what looks like a water bottle filled with rum.
4.The time Alex M.says to Jason,"I didn't see you,you f-ck face!" (Again,crafty MTV censorship probably made this fly over your head.)
5.When Jason incoherently yells at Jessica in the back of the limo at winter formal.My theory?He was probably not sober.
6.Annndwhen Morgan calls Jason's behavior at senior prom "belligerent" (read: drunk).This means Jason wasalsoprobably sloshed at winter formal.
7.All of these beer bottles just casually sprawled out at Kristin and Alex.H's "fiesta."
8.When Jason makes this subtle face to Jessica at dinner.
9.When Casey starts a rumor that Alex M.has a "bad hygiene problem." (The way the cast talks about it suggests that Caseyactuallysaid something slut-shamey about Alex—but you probably didn't realize that when you were 12.Again,this is just a theory—it's screwed up,regardless.)
10.When Alex H.asks Kristin if she is going to "sleep" in Stephen's dorm.(Sex!You mean sex!)
11.When Kristin and Sam do shots of tequila in Cabo.
12.When Stephen talks about his "sober intentions" going into Cabo spring break.(At 12,this is a mystery.At 23,it's obvious.)
13.And last,but not least: When Talan basically asks Lo and Lauren to have a threesome.I'm done.