After casual sex,I often get emotionally attached to whoever I slept with,even if I know I don't want to be with them.I'll snap out of it later,but how can Ibetter separate emotions and sex?Sometimes I just want to orgasm without catching feelings.—L.G.,26,Los Angeles
"I would have given anything to have had casual sex when I was single!Just be glad people are willing to sleep with you.If you get emotionally attached,so be it.Nothing heals that more than time,a cheese plate,and a little alcohol.(Just go easy on the cheese.) There are much harder things in life to have to go through.Like getting diabetes—much worse.I mean,I don't have diabetes,but I could be a few cheese plates away.So dust yourself off and get back out there!"
—Fortune Feimster,comedian and actress onThe Mindy Project
"Ask yourself: Is the sex really,truly casual?It can get tricky when you know someone a little but haven't figured out your feelings yet.So the fewer details you have about him,the more your brain will let things be purely physical.A lot of times after casual sex,a woman will take whatever she knows about the guy and build him up as the perfect partner and daydream about a life with him,which can increase attachment.Check yourself by remembering that you don't know him well—after all,he could be weird and think it's normal to take you on a date to Señor Frog's.And you don't want feelings for someone like that."
—Jordana Abraham,cofounder ofBetchesand coauthor ofI Had a Nice Time and Other Lies: How to Find Love & Sh*t Like That
"The term casual sex can be a bit of a misnomer.For many,sex has consequences.While some can keep it "no strings attached," others will develop feelings.My research shows that sex and the physiological fireworks involved can actually prime the brain for romantic attachment,and for some women (and men),the emotional responses to sex are part of the pleasure.So recognize that it may not be possible for you to keep emotions separate,and then decide if it's worth it."
—Justin Garcia,Ph.D.,associate director for research,The Kinsey Institute,Indiana University
"It's actually fantastic that you're connecting with people in a warm way,so don't shut down these feelings completely.Think about it this way: Feeling nice about someone you had nice sex with makes as much sense as feeling nice about someone that you had a good conversation with.Acknowledge your feelings and take them for what they are—a pleasant reaction to a pleasant experience,and that's it.Oh,and remember: You could also get out of this loop by masturbating sometimes instead!"
—Carol Queen,Ph.D.,author ofThe Sex and Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone